I am a winer and occasionally a whiner. In this blog I will write about all my wining experiences (and occasionally whine about the wine horror stories, yes they do exist!). I will review and describe in detail all the good, the bad, and the ugly wines, and provide my own rating system, which is much simpler than the Wine Spectator, et al (and what does 92 points really mean anyway??).

As I am also a writer, be prepared for the long-winded sentences of wine description, and the use of many a metaphor in my wining adventures.

Swirl, sniff, sip, and enjoy!



Tuesday, August 2, 2011

A Heartfelt Apology To The Wines From the Rhone Region

Dear Rhone Wine, 

I am sorry.  I'm sorry I didn't like you, dissed you, and called you names.  I am sorry that whatever I had tried before was your bad brothers that don't do you justice, because right now, I'm sitting alone after the wine class at Premier, alone, my husband is gone off to Pittsburgh to chase the rainbows, and I'm having an orgasmic experience with the cheap Rhone wine and chicken, and I don't need anyone else to participate in it, except you!  And who pairs the red wine and chicken?! But so what, it's the HALAL chicken, the one that still has some dignity and taste ans still remembers that it's a chicken.  And I baked it with thyme. And some crimini mushrooms, with the deep earthy taste, and onions with sumac and sweet green peppers too.  And it tastes like HEAVEN, I swear.

That CHEAP 2009 Chateau Cabrieres Cotes Du Rhone for $16.99, the entry level Rhone wine, DOES. TASTE. LIKE. HEAVEN.  And it's AFTER I have already tasted the expensive one from Chateauneuf Du Pape, the Telegramme, for $39.99.  Which tasted like I have died and have gone to Heaven, and have gotten the 72 male virgins from there too. (No offense to my Muslim brothers and sisters).

So this cheapo Rhone wine tastes like funk and raspberry and wet dirt and spice at the same time and it's inspiring me to start writing again! With the still greasy from my chicken and mushrooms fingers, typing on my netbook computer, next to the plate with unfinished food.  I have to stop eating and surrender myself totally to the inspirational writing experience, and it's not easy, because my fingers keep hitting the wrong keys from me being drunk on this liquid juice of heaven.

I salute you, the wine from Rhone.  You are my savior, my sip of water in the dry desert of writer's block, because right now right here, the words are pouring out like a song and I can't keep up with them to get them all out on the page. 

And the other more heavenly and expensive wines are:

2007 Les Coudoulieres Gigondas $24.99, the sip of which sends you swimming straight in the pool of funk and fruit and sweaty sneakers, but in a good way.

And the 2007 Telegramme Chateauneuf Du Pape $ 39.99, which I can't even describe, it's so good.  The sophistication of the taste and smell, and the notes of lavender and violet, and a little dirt and funk and village, but also, the smell of money and fruit.  Oh, the expensive French wine, you are the epitome of Paradise.

P.S. What the heck just happened?  I don't know who or what hijacked my mind and my fingers and have stopped dinner to type up this gibberish.  But I know that I have to blame it on the alcohol, and specifically on YOU, the blessed Wine from the Rhone region, my dear new best friend, and lover.  I give my heart and soul and liver to you.  So help me God.

Yours forever,
The Wino Girl


  1. Hahahaha, your posts make me laugh so hard. Oh how I wish I could partake in the wine from time to time. I think I may have to try a glass after the little one goes to bed.

  2. You just started out my day with a huge smile and a prayer for your liver! lol :) Traci W.